The Intruder

"When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe.”

-Jesus

This weekend we had an intruder in our home. Before you become too frightened for us I’ll spoil the story by admitting it was only a tiny mouse. If you knew the terror that surges through Ellen at the smallest evidence of such a creature you might better understand this reality. Animal activists beware!

Recently we noticed that some creature had taken shelter within the walls of our home.

I laid out snares in hopes of capturing and disposing of our unwanted guest. After the sticky pad method fell through the cracks I resorted to more extreme measures. Last Christmas my brother gifted me with a very nice pellet gun outfitted with a scope. On Sunday morning I entered full-blown sniper role. I suspected the tiny rodent had evaded the sticky pads, garnished with dog food and a pinch of cheddar cheese, to hide itself under our china cabinet or possibly inside it. So I waited, positioned at the foot of the staircase, taking aim. At last the fur-ball peeked out. In a hurry I tried to center the cross hairs but was spotted before squeezing the trigger. It raced back underneath its shelter.

For another 10 minutes I waited, reciting the line from The Patriot silently within my head, “Aim small, miss small”. Indeed, my target was small. Only an expert marksman could take down such a beast from nearly fifteen feet. Again the fuzzy critter reared its head and inched out cautiously from underneath the cabinet. With fingers crossed I squeezed the trigger and watched my prey scurry in a small circle before darting back under its hideaway.

I could hear it rummaging around underneath. I felt certain I had missed and that it had lodged itself somewhere within our cabinet. So I dug through each drawer, armed with cooking tongs in one hand to open drawers and shuffle there contents and a three foot piece of quarter round trim in the other, ready to wallop any sign of life. After successfully clearing each possible compartment with no sign still of the enemy, I decided to pull the cabinet from the wall in order to take a better look. In full man-mode I didn’t even consider simply grabbing a flashlight to shine underneath or maybe I did and I was too concerned that in my absence it would evade my pursuit.

When I pulled the cabinet from the wall I noticed a tiny tail lingering at the edge of the cabinet’s new position. Concerned that it might only be in freeze-mode, hoping that if it didn’t budge it would go unnoticed, I poked around with the stick of quarter round hoping to thaw its freeze. The little tail didn’t shift a bit. My heart leaped at the realization that I had successfully defended our home and put to rest Ellen’s discomfort. As I pulled out the trespasser with the quarter round by its still stagnant tail, I took noticed that I had actually struck it with my earlier shot. The man in men stood proud.

I trotted back to the bedroom to boast to my wife that I successfully guared our house.